I'm a father of 5 kids, three teenage girls and 2 preteen sons. I love spending time with my kids and have found being a father one of the most rewarding things I've done. On the flip side, it can be nothing short of bewildering. How can you possibly stay ahead of the needs of 5 different children spanning 10 years, each at a different stage in their development, male and female. Add to this a full time job, a home, cars, my own needs and interests and it can seem like a genuine pandora's box. As I heard a speaker say once "Ever feel like a one armed paper hanger with the hives? The glue is drying, and you have 12 rooms to go?"
I clearly don't have the answers, just ask my kids, but I have stumbled upon a couple basic concepts that have helped me immensly. I've found them so helpful because they are practical, and simple.
The first is, "Find something you are passionate about, and do it with your kids" Kids know when you are faking. I've pretended I like fishing to introduce my kids to the love of fishing, but all that's been accomplished is 5 kids who hate fishing. I couldn't fake them out. The caught the reality that I hate fishing, despite my insistance that this was a great way to spend your Saturday afternoon.
Tae Kwon Do, on the other hand, has been an awesome family experience. At one time of another every member of my family was in Tae Kwon Do and though we are not currently involved it's been a bonding experience between me and my oldest daughter who is now a black belt. We've spent countless hours together at practice and driving and back and forth. I never needed to fake interest in TKD. It was a genuine passion I had and my kids "caught" it from me.
Rock climbing is an even better example. There's nothing I delight in more than roping up to a huge slab of rock and testing my abilities, strength, skill, and stamina to see if I can reach the top. My kids started climbing with me a few years back and now it's a favorite past time for me and the 3 teenage girls. It's been fun quality time in some of the most beautiful places in the area.
The second "principle" I've started living by is "Never do anthing alone" . As an example, I was lamenting one day, with a tinge of self pity, that my dad never taught he how to change the oil on my car, I had to figure it out on my own. In the depths of my self pity I realized that I'd not taught any of my kids how to change oil. As any dad knows, it's a lot easier to change oil by yourself than to have the kids "help". But what a wasted opportunity. You get to spend time interacting with your kid, they learn a valuable life skill, and you eventually get the oil changed, which needed to be done anyway.
We live on a 5 acre hobby farm, and there is always work or some project or another that needs to be done. What I'm teaching myself to do after formulating my do list for the day, is to look around for the nearest idle kid and say "How'd you like to help your old dad with a project?" They are quickly learning to duck and run for cover when they see me coming, but with 5 kids there is always someone who is free to spend some time with me. If the work seems truely burdensome I can alway sweeten the pot with some cash.
Need to run to the hardware store? Grab a kid. Gonna ride your bike for exercise? See who's available. Not sure what to do? Ask the kids, maybe you can join in with them. Even watching a movie can be time well spent.
I clearly don't have the answers, just ask my kids, but I have stumbled upon a couple basic concepts that have helped me immensly. I've found them so helpful because they are practical, and simple.
The first is, "Find something you are passionate about, and do it with your kids" Kids know when you are faking. I've pretended I like fishing to introduce my kids to the love of fishing, but all that's been accomplished is 5 kids who hate fishing. I couldn't fake them out. The caught the reality that I hate fishing, despite my insistance that this was a great way to spend your Saturday afternoon.
Tae Kwon Do, on the other hand, has been an awesome family experience. At one time of another every member of my family was in Tae Kwon Do and though we are not currently involved it's been a bonding experience between me and my oldest daughter who is now a black belt. We've spent countless hours together at practice and driving and back and forth. I never needed to fake interest in TKD. It was a genuine passion I had and my kids "caught" it from me.
Rock climbing is an even better example. There's nothing I delight in more than roping up to a huge slab of rock and testing my abilities, strength, skill, and stamina to see if I can reach the top. My kids started climbing with me a few years back and now it's a favorite past time for me and the 3 teenage girls. It's been fun quality time in some of the most beautiful places in the area.
The second "principle" I've started living by is "Never do anthing alone" . As an example, I was lamenting one day, with a tinge of self pity, that my dad never taught he how to change the oil on my car, I had to figure it out on my own. In the depths of my self pity I realized that I'd not taught any of my kids how to change oil. As any dad knows, it's a lot easier to change oil by yourself than to have the kids "help". But what a wasted opportunity. You get to spend time interacting with your kid, they learn a valuable life skill, and you eventually get the oil changed, which needed to be done anyway.
We live on a 5 acre hobby farm, and there is always work or some project or another that needs to be done. What I'm teaching myself to do after formulating my do list for the day, is to look around for the nearest idle kid and say "How'd you like to help your old dad with a project?" They are quickly learning to duck and run for cover when they see me coming, but with 5 kids there is always someone who is free to spend some time with me. If the work seems truely burdensome I can alway sweeten the pot with some cash.
Need to run to the hardware store? Grab a kid. Gonna ride your bike for exercise? See who's available. Not sure what to do? Ask the kids, maybe you can join in with them. Even watching a movie can be time well spent.
Love it! You have inspired me to grab my kid today and see what he wants to help me with or get in his world and play whatever game his little 4 year old mind can conceive :)
ReplyDeleteYour comment got me thinking that when kids are younger you pretty much need to engage with them in their world, as they get older they can start joining in with us. With the boys it's pretty much light saber duels and wrestling, with the girls it's rock climbing climbing and track meets. I think it's a matter of discernment where a kid is at and when they are ready to take on something new.
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